Author Archives: Nina Nikolova

When Life Gives you Lemons: A Personal Story from Bulgaria about Pregnancy, Birth, Loss & Family, Part 2

Nina Nikolova head shot 2

Nina Nikolova

In 2008, following the deaths of my children, I went home from the hospital feeling empty and broken-hearted. I simply wanted to close my eyes and die. I physically appeared to look pregnant and friends continued to enquire after the well being of my babies. I did not have the mental strength to deal with the reality of the situation and my husband was left to field the well-meant enquiries.

A number of months later we decided that we were strong enough to try for another pregnancy. The desire to have a family was so strong yet despite not being emotionally ready, we found the strength to embark on another pregnancy journey. Unfortunately the ICSI attempt failed and we had to face the stark reality of waiting for 12 months before we could try again (in Bulgaria families must wait 12 months between fertilization attempts).

Returning to work proved more difficult than I anticipated. While my friends and colleagues so dearly wanted to support and help me, they didn’t know how to speak with me, what questions to ask, or what I needed to help me in my grief. Continue reading

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When Life Gives you Lemons: A Personal Story from Bulgaria about Pregnancy, Birth, Loss & Family, Part 1

Nina Nikolova head shot 2

Nina Nikolova

It was the summer of 2008 and I spent the most wonderful vacation carrying my twin baby girls. At our 21 week antenatal check-up upon our return to Sofia the doctor flagged a “small” problem: one of the babies didn’t appear to have enough amniotic fluid and the doctor recommended frequent checkups and bedrest.

Nina pregnant with her twin girls

At week 22, I experienced some minor bleeding and went to the emergency room of the hospital. I spent two very difficult weeks on total bedrest in the hospital; resting alone in bed and praying. I had some visitors, but the only thing that was important to me was to hold my babies inside of me as long as possible. Continue reading

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